The usual joyfulness associated with the monsoon rain was missing on that unusual evening. The clouds were gathering in unison as if to show their resentment to something that was definitely not to their liking. The ferocity with which the rains chose to lash the earth was somewhat unprecedented.
Sitting on a secluded rock and drenched to his bones, Swapnil couldn’t be bothered much by this extreme weather conditions. The consistency of downpour made it extremely difficult to differentiate the saline droplets from the non-saline ones dripping from the cheeks of Swapnil. But no one except passionate waves kissing the rocks was there to witness that tragic moment.
It’s not the first time he was heartbroken. But the fact that his girlfriend dumped him for his own big brother came as a completely unexpected push from behind.
His brother, Samay was someone he always looked up to. Someone who could be emulated and followed blindly. Samay was everything that Swapnil ever aspired to become one day. Everything done by Samay was seen as an extraordinary achievement by his younger brother.
Although the age difference between the two brothers was only four years, yet Samay was Swapnil’s role model and hero. So much so that his friends used to tease him about literally following the exact footprints of Samay without giving much thought. In fact, even the pursuit of a dream for Swapnil was something borrowed from his big bro.
However never in his whole life, he could ever be jealous of Samay. Surprisingly, the feeling towards him was always that of awe and respect —— something that was rarely reciprocated.
But then what did he do to deserve this from someone as special as his real-life hero? How’s he going to recover from this emotional setback?
Before an attempt to find the answer to these queries let’s have a look at mirror analogy.
If you can recall one of the popular scenes in the movie “Enter the Dragon” where Bruce Lee is chasing the villain and ends up inside an arena full of mirrors. There is a scene where there are mirrors everywhere and after a while, it becomes difficult to differentiate the reflections from the reality.
If it’s possible to imagine yourself in that arena full of mirrors you can see that one mirror is showing you your face; another is showing you the portion of your back legs and another your side arms, your buttocks and your head and so on.
Now out of these mirrors, some are also showing you aspects of yourself that you had never seen before. Others might just show you aspects of yourself that you detest. At the same time, some may show you the aspects you are proud of.
The mirrors, which show those aspects of yourself that you like and were not even aware of, you’d love to see them. On the other hand, those mirrors, which show you aspects of yourself that you don’t like, you wouldn’t like to look at them at all.
Now assume that all these mirrors are nothing but reflecting your relationships and situations. A Simple three steps follow up is enough to bring some conspicuous shift in your perspective:
Step 1
Recognize that these people in your life whom you don’t want are there to show you those very aspects of themselves that you dislike. What you dislike about them exists in you while you simply refuse to accept it.
It is possible that this thought might trigger instant non—acceptance.
However, it’s important to understand that the mirror can show us what we are blind to and that is precisely what makes it useful. From that perspective, not only are they playing a significant role but they are also not getting an appreciation for all the hard work they are doing in contributing to your growth.
In the case of Swapnil, his unconditional love for big brother & ex-girlfriend have unfortunately resulted in an acrimonious experience. But it’s very difficult for Swapnil to accept that What he dislikes about both of them kind of already exists in him, while he simply refuses to accept it.
Because at the very core of his sub-conscious Swapnil was always apprehensive of reciprocation in relationships. Somehow that apprehension has taken deep root in form of fear and is getting an opportunity to manifest itself through his personal relationships. Now it’s up to Swapnil to recognize this and come to terms with it.
Step 2
Recognize that all the possible situations in your life that you are stressed about, or you’d like to change are here to change you. You might have witnessed that by simply focusing on getting rid of unwanted situations doesn’t help much.
Acceptance that there is something to be learned in those situations makes all the difference. Once you focus on how this situation is making you understand your limits and stretching you beyond it, you will stop fearing the uninvited situations in your life. Soon you would be in a better position to identify those limits and acknowledge your own growth by going beyond them.
There is no denying the fact that Swapnil is in an unenviable situation, but this seemingly unwanted circumstance is ripe with multiple opportunities. Only if Swapnil is willing to rise above his own limitations he can see himself grow beyond his perceived vulnerabilities.
Step 3
Accept that fulfillment of all that you desire is neither possible nor advisable for your own long-term growth. Allow yourself to have faith that even if you fail to achieve what you want right now, the unlimited possibilities in the future can’t be negated simply because you can’t foresee them.
To counter this fear of failure, you can try focusing on what will go wrong if you get what you want. With this shift in focus, there is every possibility you could appreciate all those outcomes that aren’t aligned to your desires. Once your precious energy is rightfully aligned with the acceptance of every possible outcome, it stops defending themselves against outcomes perceived as undesirable.
Letting go of a desire does not mean that you shouldn’t indulge in one. It only means that you are simply letting go of the attachment part and surrendering yourself to the wisdom of this universe.
In all probability it can trigger fear of loss, however, this very fear could be keeping the desire from becoming your reality. Surrendering it will allow the universe to facilitate it in the best possible way.
Eventually, we all need to understand that it’s all about accepting each aspect of ourselves. Each person and situation that we attract is only meant to give us more growth. Externalizing the person or the situation does not get rid of the mirror forever.
A mirror, in fact, cannot show you what you aren’t carrying. Hence rather than focusing on changing the mirror through getting rid of the respective relationship or situation, a wiser choice is to accept the person or situation and to understand why they exist in your life and what are they trying to show you.
This way when we are done with the mirror, it will eventually give way to another.
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Wonderful and insightful article with practical example!!!